Wedding Dress Blues...

This is my wedding dress. This, of course, is not me in it. My eyes are not that cat-like and I don't have those sweet boxes to hold me up all day. This has been a source of contention with me lately. I began my search one afternoon when Brian was working. I had cleaned all I could, watched everything on my DVR, and everything at my place of worship, Target, had been picked through. I decided it was time to begin my quest for my wedding dress. Now, I know what you are thinking. "Girl, where was your mother? Where was your sister, best friend, and all of your closest cousins?" Well, this is me. I have to do everything the moment I think of it, much like my future step-daughter. She gets a fee pass, though. She is two. I, on the other hand, get stiffed. How you ask? Just wait. This is straight up out of People's Court.

After being ignored at one shop, and crying in the car to my Mama, I almost gave up the fight. In a fit of tears (and in the Super Target's parking lot...makes me feel safe) I Googled wedding dress shops in the area. Fighting back the ugly cry, I dialed up the first one on the list. The lady's voice on the other end was like honey. "Sweetie, are you crying? You get here right now." Like one of my fourth graders after being caught running in the bus loop, I tucked my tail and obeyed. Within minutes my car was parking in front of this quaint boutique. It was the epitome of precious. Wood floors, crystal chandeleir. You could even make appointments and you and all your besties could shut the store down and have yourselves a little sip and try on dresses. To put it bluntly, dears, I was in love. VA heaven. I gazed at the perfect, white wedding dresses all lined up on the wall, and like a jilted ex-boyfriend at a bar, I advised the shop girl to "Keep 'em coming." I eventually met up with this little number above. The other wedding shop was a distant memory. I fell in love... it was perfect for my beach wedding. I called my mother, vowed to send her pictures, and paid the deposit, which was half of the dress.

Now, I never have pretended to be stereotypical. Yes, I was in a sorority. Yes, dears, I wore ribbons in my hair. Ahem, gag, not my best fashion moment. BUT, I never laid awake at night with stars in my eyes and dreamt of my wedding. I was too busy chasing after my friend's earrings and lost black olives (wink, wink, nudge, Hollie). So, you must understand that when I ordered the dress in February, I got lost in teaching, my family, and just life. However, whenever I had the chance I would show off my dress. Not to mention the beAUtiful shoes and earrings I also purchased while in my "I love this boutique can I move in?" haze.

Well, imagine my surprise the weekend after Labor Day when my friend, Marissa called to tell me that the boutique had CLOSED DOWN! Yes. You heard it. As in, snuck-out-in-the-middle-of-the-night-so-we-don't-get-evicted closed down. As in, never-ordered-my-dress-and-took-off-with-my-deposit closed down. I almost vomited all over my darling little Blackberry that had led me there. Fortuneately, my super-hero friend, Amanda, had an aunt who owns a dress shop around the corner and she hooked me up in no time...veil and a free week of tanning to boot.

Now, she was the sweetest lady. I mean, she gave me the low-down on everyone in the wedding biz. I felt so important and "in-the-know". I thought she would ask me to be her partner and we would start our own reality wedding show on Lifetime. Of course, I would be front and center, and tearily, I would relay of how we met...all because of the dress. Well, sometime during this little love fest, she put the contract down on the counter in front of me. Wha? Contract? Signing over the TV rights so soon? Then, she lays it on. "Now this here says in order to get the size you want, you're going to have to lose three inches from your waist. It shouldn't be too hard." Crash. That was me falling back down to Humble Town.

Now, I ask you, shouldn't this be the sweetest, most momentous purchase in your life? It's things like this that let me know that my life will never be normal. Oh well...I should have known something was up in that first shop. As soon as we walked in, Rylee said, "Eww, Mo. Stinky." Out of the mouths of babes.

PS-Here are my earrings and shoes. If you are like me, you stopped reading at that point and just wanted to know what they looked like.